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Everett Stewart
Everett Stewart

[S1E3] Animal House

It's even more of a three-ring circus than usual on Don't Be Tardy this week. When Tracey convinces the family to visit the local animal rescue, they ponder whether to add another pooch to their growing brood. Plus, Brielle Biermann surprises Kim Zolciak-Biermann and Kroy Biermann with her latest, potbellied birthday gift. Read on for a full recap of this week's animal-themed craziness...

[S1E3] Animal House

The center of life in the Biermann home is the kitchen and this week is no different. As chef Tracey Bloom is busy cooking away, the family debates over which crossbreeding technique would produce the best dog. Is it a Husky-Boxer mix? Tracey balks at the idea of breeding a new puppy, especially when there are so many that already need to be adopted to good homes. It turns out the chef spends every weekend volunteering at the humane society, and she invites Kim, Kroy and the kids to come along to see what it's like the following weekend. Never one to shy away from an adventure, Kim promptly accepts Bloom's invite and it looks like the Biermanns will be taking the animal rescue by storm.

Cut to just a few days later and Brielle walks into the house with the puppy in her arms. It turns out she went back to the humane society after the family left and adopted the dog (whose name is Norma Jean after Kim's idol Marilyn Monroe) as a "surprise." However, this is not the kind of surprise Kroy wanted in the least, and bluntly reminds his oldest daughter that she will be the one responsible for taking care of and paying for everything the puppy needs. This includes feeding, potty training and the whole nine yards - even hiring a dog trainer out of her own pocket if necessary. And no, Brielle, they don't make puppy Advil for when Norma starts teething. Looks like potty training is going to be a blast for Brielle...

Later, since her mom loves when things come in pairs of two, Brielle decides to surprise her family with a second new pet: a potbellied pig her friends gave her as a birthday present named Chester Jorge. This second surprise, however, doesn't go over as well as adopting Norma did because Kim and Kroy were most definitely not looking to add a pet pig to the family. Kim gets particularly freaked out by the hoofed oinker trotting around her kitchen, and as Kroy chases her around the house with Chester, she puts her foot down that Brielle has to take the pig back to its original owners. Sorry Chester. The Biermann house may be a constant circus, but even Kim has her limits.

The flashback of Smurf telling him about the rules of the animal kingdom hit close to home. One has to die so the other can live, and essentially that's what happened at the compound. J had to kill Smurf, or she would've done the same to Pope.

Renn: You can't mess up my business, Craig. Craig: Well then don't do your business in my house. Our house, fine, whatever. Don't do it here. Renn: Where then? Craig: Look, we have no idea who could be watching us. And if I get busted, that's one thing. And it sucks, but a boy can get by with his dad in the joint. That's not true if you get busted. Renn: Fine. I won't deal from the house. Craig: You need to quit. Renn: Quit and do what? Craig: I don't know. I don't know, but I got you. Renn; I take care of myself.

Pamela: How stupid are you? Smurf: Why are you so mad about this? Come on, I mean the house was just sitting there with nothing but a couple of maids looking after it. What did they think would happen? Pamela: Do you know how long it took me to get inside that man's house? Smurf: No, but it took me 30 seconds. Pamela: You're not getting it. I'm not doing this pissant bullshit the rest of my life. I've been down that road. And you can run with whatever wild and crazy idea pops into your head, but I'm trying to build something! Smurf: Hey, Pam, look around! Everything's gone to shit. There is nothing to build! Pamela; I want my cut. Smurf: What? Pamela: Finder's fee. You found that house because I took you to it, I want my cut!

The series kicks off with a group of dragon-riding Viking youths attempting to calm frightened local animals before winter storms arrive. Continuing the story from the 2010 feature film "How to Train Your Dragon."

Next, Jeff heads off to biology class at school. As the lecturer instructs, the students are asked to dissect a pig and examine its organs. Jeff is rude to a classmate, and another student compliments and encourages him, which makes Jeff feel good about himself. The task of dissecting is another domain in which Jeff excels, and his lecturer is impressed by his curiosity. He finds it so enjoyable that he asks to take the dead animal home.

Some animal species congregate in huge groups. Icelandic puffins form colonies of more than a million, which provides shared information about food sources and reduces the odds of being attacked. Social spiders in Ecuador gather by the thousands to capture large prey. Leaf cutter ants in Costa Rica build enormous acre-wide cities to house multimillion-citizen colonies.

Premieres April 22, 2015 at 8\/7c on PBS. Check your local listings. \n","video_long_description":"Some animal species congregate in huge groups. Icelandic puffins form colonies of more than a million, which provides shared information about food sources and reduces the odds of being attacked. Social spiders in Ecuador gather by the thousands to capture large prey. Leaf cutter ants in Costa Rica build enormous acre-wide cities to house multimillion-citizen colonies. \n","video_airdate":"2015-04-21","video_rating":"NR","video_duration":68,"video_expiredate":"","video_window":"public","video_iframe":"\/\/\/widget\/partnerplayer\/2365465012\/?endscreen=false&topbar=true","video_meta_row":"Premiere: 4\/21\/2015 00:01:08 NR","seasonality":"S33 Ep13"}]}About the EpisodeThe three-part series provides intimate, never-before-seen views of the lives of animals in their homes

Hosting the series is ecologist Chris Morgan (Siberian Tiger Quest, Bears of the Last Frontier), who serves as guide and real estate agent. He evaluates and deconstructs animal abodes, their materials, location, neighborhood and aesthetics. In addition to Morgan opening the doors of animal homes in the wild, he is also in studio showing examples of the incredible diversity of nests and their strength, even trying his hand at building a few.

The series features a blend of CGI, animation, CT scans and signature blueprint graphics to highlight engineering principles inside the structures. A variety of cameras, including tiny HD versions, capture unprecedented views inside animal homes without disturbing natural behavior. When appropriate, filmmakers shoot behaviors in slow motion and use infrared and time lapse to reveal how animals create their structures over time and through the seasons.

Finding a good base of operations is key to successfully raising a family. One must find the correct stream or tree, the correct building materials, neighbors and sometimes tenants. In the wild, every home is a unique DIY project, every head of household is a designer and engineer. Animated blueprints and tiny cameras chart the building plans and progress of beavers, tortoises and woodrats, examining layouts and cross sections, evaluating the technical specs of their structures and documenting their problem-solving skills. Animal architecture provides remarkable insights into animal consciousness, creativity and innovation.

The Dog House is a Channel 4 observational television show, following staff at an animal shelter trying to find homes for dogs. Channel 4 describes it as "The dog dating show where people and dogs are matched and - hopefully - fall in love."[1]

L: Is that a...a commercial refrigerator?W: Yeah. It's where I store the blood.L: Blood?W: Just a side business. Sorta hush-hush. It keeps the motor running. Uh, don't-don't worry. It's perfectly safe. I have standards. [lights cigarette, exhales] Some places are desperate for it. Some are not. Blood stays good for around 21 days, so I collect as I go. Sell it where I can. Now I personally have an AB blood type, so everybody loves me. You can usually find a desperate administrator somewhere looking to undercut the Red Cross if you ask the right people. Oh, um, I'm sorry. Do you smoke?L: No, but, I don't mind.W: I'll crack a window. [window scrapes] How are ya?L: I'm good. Thank you for asking. W: You've had a rather harrowing experience recently. L: Yes. Uh, but I'd rather not talk talk about myself. W: I bet you didn't know you had it in ya to back him down like that, huh? [exhales] Oh, my. Of course not. How could ya? Right? I'm glad it was you that talked to Winona too. I'm sorry to hear she's in so much pain. You Melville wrote about it. "What deadly voids and unbidden infidelities in the lines that seem to gnaw upon all faith and refuse resurrections to the beings who have placelessly perished without a grave." Lost at sea, Winona. All of them. I, uh, recognize the pain. I don't know it. I just hope she knows how important she is how her courage inspires. But none of this is why you're here. L: No. It's not.W: Well, go ahead.L: Okay. Who was the man you were all there for? What was the panic. Was Winona right about there being many people killed outside of Oscar Totem? And how and where did everyone go?W: Yeah. [exhales] I didn't know the man. I knew of the man, or at least what people said about him. Well, I might have known him, without knowing I known him. You know? So, I don't know if lived or died, but that doesn't matter very much to what's happening now.L: Why not?W: That night was a destruction of form. Not soul.L: Are you referring to The Panic?W: Yes? But I can't say much about it. It was quiet for me. That was the worst part of it, the silence. And the the sudden cacophony of violence. I just waited for the sun to come up.L: What caused it?W: Don't know. I was turned off by then.L: Turned off? What does that mean?W: [sighs] I don't know why I'm supposed to talk to you. Or what this all is or why now. But, I have a feeling this is all part of something bigger, you know what I mean? I'm not the first, I'm not the last. Limetown was purposefully constructed to keep everyone in the dark. Divisions of labor. Physical proximity. Gobbledygook project names, work shifts, NDAs.L: Okay.W: What I'm saying is, you'll get there when you get there. Wherever it is you're supposed to get. I know some things. I don't know other things.L: So what was your role?W: Ahhh! Roles. We have a role. And it is so important you ya-da ya-da.L: Right.W: Pigs.L: Pigs?W: Yeah. That was my role.L: cared for them?W: Well, before Limetown, I was a large animal veterinarian in Pennsylvania.L: So you do have a medical background of sorts?W: Well, I know how to draw blood if that's what you're getting at.L: So, what did the town need with a large animal veterinarian? Or pigs for that matter?W: When you want to roll out a new piece of biomedical engineering, where do you start?L: Wait, h-hold on. A new piece of biomedical engineer--W: Animals. Exactly. You start your experiments on animals. And then, if and when they work, you go to human animals.L: Can we just step back for a second--W: Don't worry, I'll get there. So, I'm a large animal vet. I've done a lot of work for a man, a neuroscientist, obviously. Although I didn't know it until that conversation. He had a horse farm back in Pennsylvania, and he tells me they need someone with my skill set to oversee a medical testing program for animals. Just to make sure the animals are treated correctly. It lacked on specifics, but uh, the money didn't.L: And so you agreed to do it without knowing exactly what it was you were doing.W: I apologize if I've mentioned this before, I can't remember, but my wife had passed right that and I really didn't care what the hell I was doing as long as it was something else.L: Right. I'm very sorry to hear that.W: I was not a man of faith then.L: Oh, so, you weren't always religious?W: [laughs] No. No ma'am.L: So, you were brought into Limetown to oversee the animal testing program.W: Right, so, pigs. What are some characteristics of pigs that come to mind?L: They're-they're smart, they're sensitive, they're...W: -Delicious.L: [laughs] Yes.W: They're slaughter animals.L: Right.W: No one bats an eye if you kill them. And on top of that, they also carry a great anatomical similarity with our species. It's a good loophole to exploit if you're building a private town in the middle of nothing and nowhere.L: What-what you're saying is that the pigs were officially brought in for a purpose other than medical testing.W: Exactly. Everybody loves bacon.L: What were you testing?W: Yeah. [exhales] Winona talked about a man talking to her without talking to her, right?L: Right.W: The basic principle being the transfer of thoughts between others without verbal communication.L: Right.W: Right.L: You were trying to read the thoughts of pigs.W: Yeah.L: Through biomedical engineering.W: I can't speak to that in detail. I know basically it involved planting something directly into the brain, and then regulating it through medication. As to what or how that worked...L: So you were-you were testing a product o-or a combination of products to communicate non-verbally with animals.W: Right.L: Was that the purpose of Limetown?W: Well, that was my purpose in Limetown. Like I said before, we worked within our own little vacuum sealed universes. As far as we were concerned, our work was the beginning, the middle, and the end, amen.L: We all have a role.W: And it's so important you don't know what the hell the left hand is doing.L: So, so were you successful in communicating with the pigs?W: Not in the beginning. Not at all. The implant process was a difficult thing to perfect. We lost a lot of stock upfront. And once that was sorted out and the dosage was assumed to be correct, it was time to move on to a human host.L: To listen.W: Right. The tree falling in the woods corollary.L: So, who was the human host?W: Well, it only made sense to use someone the animals were comfortable with.L: The large veterinarian on staff.W: I volunteered, to be clear. Animal comfortability was a point I just so happened to have in my favor.L: You said it wasn't successful in the beginning. Was it ever?W: Yes.L: So, you were able to read--W: Yeah.L: That's-that's amazing.W: Yes, it was.L: How has the public never heard of this?W: [laughs] The public! Yeah.L: It just seems like something that would have leaked or otherw--W: I don't mean to be condescending here, but I feel like you should know better than that by now.L: Okay. You're right.W: [glass clinks] One of my members gave me some homemade muscadine moonshine. [unscrews jar] 160 proof. [pours moonshine]L: No, thank you.W: You sure?L: Yes.W: More for me. [swallows] WHOO! Praise God and all things good. Hallelujah.W: So, like I said [lights cigarette, exhales] We lost a lot of stock in the beginning, before figuring out the implanting procedure. And then from there, we had to tinker with the medication. The first iteration caused severe brain hemorrhaging in the subject, but we weren't sure if that that was due to the subject's chemical makeup or if it was the product. After another series of tests, it was determined to be the product. So, then it was refined until we got the fifth iteration. That's when I was implanted. From there, it was just a matter of determining the dosages for me and the subject until there was contact. It was a brutish process. [exhales] Pigs are finiky as hell. You can't work with them unless they trust you, and that just means talking to them, touching them, feeding them, letting them get comfortable on their own terms. You know, they fight like hell, but they don't like to be left by themselves. Also, and maybe most importantly, they don't speak. Or, not in any way we can hope to translate. Which is to say, there are a lot of factors working against us outside just the biotech bullshit.L: R-right. How did you think you were going to communicate?W: What was hypothesized was that what could be relayed between subjects was raw emotional data. It's not exactly hard to tell if a pig is scared or happy. But this is more just a baseline to see if anything could work.L: How could you translate emotion?W: Well, the hardware could interpret emotional changes in the brain, and translate them into simple, synthesized tones.L: Ah, a-and that worked?W: Not until Napoleon. Technically, he was LTS-54A, but I named him Napoleon after the pig villain in Animal Farm. I thought it was funny. You sure you don't want anything to drink?L: Yes, I'm sure.W: [pours drink] Napoleon had a really calm nature about him, so we used him to ease in any new stock brought in. He was very comfortable with me, so after a certain point along the way, it just made sense to involve him. First time I heard him, I heard calm. We knew the tones would work. Well, to be clear, that was what we had planned on working, if it did at all. What we didn't expect was the emotional transfer which is just exactly what it sounds like. I heard calm. And then I felt a wave of calm come over me. Animals are very nuanced in their emotions. Not like us. Whatever they feel, they feel purely, and uh, persuasively. That worked in the other direction too. When I heard calm, I got excited. And in turn, Napoleon got excited. [drinks] It's a good memory. [sniffs] You know, at first it only worked when I was in the facility. The hardware implant was still being worked on, so the distance was pretty limited. So, every day coming to work was exciting. On my walk, I could feel him being near. And then we would be together. It was like meditation. He was mostly calm, until he was hungry. [laughs] And that's about as cranky as he got, but then, you'd feed him, and all was well. I came to Limetown with a lot of baggage. But it was deep. It was...deep. Sitting there in that room with that damn pig was...therapy. Whatever I felt and brought into that room was like trying to stand against the ocean. Our brains are creative when it comes to building shadows and boogeymen and corners you can't see around. Napoleon had a simple, resolute clarity. There is food. There is shelter. There is companionship. And it can be okay if you just let it. Over a period of several weeks, inexplicably, I could hear him anywhere in town. At the diner, at my house, the school. He was there. The medication didn't change, the dosage didn't change. But I could. He slept a lot. Or was otherwise pretty thoughtless when we weren't together. Which sounded a lot like white noise. Sometimes it would fluctuate, sometimes I would fluctuate, but we always leveled the other off. That pig knew me better than anyone in my life ever could. It was the most powerful sensation I have ever experienced. [drinks] We shared a mind. But then there was the leak. We found out later it was all a big fuss over nothing, but I was reading a book, which Napoleon always seemed to enjoy. Mothernight. And one of the other various departments squirreled in the facility doing God know knows what, there was


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